I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
