I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
