dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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