If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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