Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
