At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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