i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
