I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
