You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
