Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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