Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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