I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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