if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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