did you get engaged???
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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