sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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