I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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