she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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