At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
