My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
