i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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