You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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