Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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