So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
