he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
