i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
