we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
