There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
