I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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