you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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