Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't think brook has ever known best
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
