just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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