he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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