Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
