i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
