Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
