the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
