dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
