Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Blood and glitter go together right?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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