I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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