i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
