the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was CRYING into my vagina
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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