my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
