He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
