i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So much Jack, so little girl.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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