Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
