she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
