you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
