She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
