You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
