I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
